THE BACKGROUND FRIEND

Have you ever felt left out? Wondered that maybe there is another galaxy where you belong? Or why no body ever chooses you first? I know it sucks sometimes, and with time you end up developing a personality that “Being alone and enjoying my own company gives me happiness.” But then most times you ask yourself, is it just an illusion to keep my sanity or maintain my high self esteem or is it the reality?.

Aristocrats gave us this famous quote, “Man is a social animal.” This is why we stick to groups of friends and people of a similar wavelength. But how often have you had thoughts like – Do I fit in? Why am I not included in the group? This often comes up when you’re a part of a group but do not have a deeper relationship with those within the group. Chances are, you are the background friend.

Sometimes you may have this weird feeling about yourself that you can never really explain. You find yourself always bouncing from friend group to friend group, trying to fit in but never being successful. The popular loner.

You find it really hard to express your feelings of loneliness, because people often don’t get it. It’s not that you literally have no friends, it’s just that the friends you really want to be close to and associate with have closer friends that they usually cling to or would rather hang out with than you, so you kind of just float around. Whenever you try to insert yourself into their group, you just feel like you are imposing or didn’t fit in.

Being part of a friend circle and still being invisible to them is painful. Not having friends is tough, but thinking of someone as a friend when your feelings aren’t reciprocated is worse. That’s what being a background friend feels like.

When it comes to banter, there are no boundaries for the jokes they crack about you. You play along and be a sport just so that you can fit in. You begin feeling more self-conscious but are unable to speak up. That sucks, but you smile to hide your gloomy heart. The fear of being alone masks your courage to speak up or break away.

Large groups of friends are key to a happy life, and are in the fact the best way to live. But we can’t all live life like we’re in a glossy American TV show, and in reality we all fulfil different functions within a friendship group.

However it’s okay. You don’t have to be at the center of every friendship group in your life, and it’s ok to be on the periphery of some stuff. Can you imagine the stress and pressure if you had to respond to every message, go to every dinner and party, and be constantly on? That’s not what friendship is about; what it’s about is being allowed to be the background friend sometimes.

Just because you’re a background friend doesn’t mean your love, advice and interactions aren’t valuable. Everyone brings something different to a group, and that includes the background friend. And of course, just because you’re a background friend in a group doesn’t mean you don’t have a best friend; two of your best friends may not really part of any of your friendship groups, although they have friendship groups you are not part of….

Same story, but a focus on the aspect:

ACCEPTING DIFFERENT ROLES IN A FRIENDSHIP

There’s a dull ache in the heart that settles in, not because you’re completely alone, but because you’re surrounded by people who don’t truly see you. You belong to a friend group, yet your jokes hang heavy in the air, unanswered. You chime in on conversations, but the current flows past you, leaving you feeling like a forgotten island. This, my friends, is the burden of the “background friend.”

It's not that you crave the constant spotlight.

The pressure of attending every gathering and responding to every message can be exhausting. But sometimes, the quiet acceptance of being the one on the periphery stings. You witness the easy camaraderie between others, the shared laughter and inside jokes, and a pang of longing pierces your chest. You yearn for a connection that transcends small talk, a friendship where your presence is genuinely acknowledged and valued.

However, amidst the ache, there’s a crucial truth to embrace: Friendship exists on a spectrum, and every role holds significance. The group wouldn’t be complete without the quiet listener who lends a patient ear during difficult times. The life of the party needs a supportive anchor, and the deep thinker benefits from the occasional lighthearted distraction. Just because you’re not the one constantly in the center, doesn’t diminish the value you bring.

Remember, Maya Angelou’s words echo true: “In true friendship, silence is never awkward or burdensome.” True friendship thrives on authenticity and mutual respect, not on needing to constantly fill the void with noise. Perhaps your strength lies in your quiet observation, your thoughtful advice offered at just the right moment, or your unwavering loyalty during challenging times.

The key Is to find your tribe, the people who appreciate you for who you are, not for the role you play. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and connect with individuals who resonate with your personality and interests. You deserve friendships where your voice is heard, your presence cherished, and your contributions celebrated, no matter where you stand on the spectrum.